Monday, December 09, 2002
We're just bustiin at the seams down here to the trailer park. We's the number one rezult at Google fer trailer trash Christmas! Mercy sakes! Course I ain't serprized. I knew it wouldn't take folks long to learn how Festus Joe loves Christmas and hangin all them lights round the trailer. Speakin a Festus Joe, he tells me he's gonna get himself up out the bed soon and put somethin in these here ramblin's. It's about dag burn time!
posted by Bertha Mae
on 2:36 PM |
From time to time I think the whole world is plum crazy, specially when it comes to critters. I done read bout these mooses over to Norway that found themselves a way to get drunk. Now folks over to Norway is ascared bout these drunk mooses attackin folks. Then I done read that crocodiles down to Australia is havin trouble havin sex on account it ain't been rainin enough there and crocodiles need thunder and lightenin storms to get themselves in the mood. Heavens to Betsy! Then, over to Russia they charged a cow with causin a traffick accident. I sure hope that poor critter gots hisself some insurance. I wonder if them drunk mooses is gonna get charged with anything?
posted by Bertha Mae
on 11:55 AM |
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Sunday, December 08, 2002
I done heard that a trailer park over to California been made a historical monument. Mercy sakes! It's about dag burn time folks start givin trailer parks respeckt. I sure wish we knowed bout that there trailer park when we was out to California fer my audishun fer The Weakest Link. I woulda like to see that place. But Bubba J gots relations over to California so maybe he can get some pitchures fer us.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 8:59 AM |
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Friday, December 06, 2002
First off, we gots to thank all y'all who wrote such nice things bout our ramblin's. It's nice to know some folks 'preciate us.
I went down to the diner this mornin' on account it's Friday and my Mama calls me on the diner pay phone on the first Friday a every month. My Mama is a religus lady and she shows it every Christmas by puttin up her light up plastic Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph in the front window a her trailer. She gots some new naybors across the way, and she done told me she weren't too sure if they knowed the true meanin a Christmas. They gots Santas and elfs and snowmen and candy canes and a Frosty the Snowman on the roof and all kinds a lights, most of em blinkin all the dag burn time. Well, while my Mama was checkin to see how her light up plastic Baby Jesus looked from outside, she learnt that the naybors do know what Christmas is all about after all. They was havin some trouble gettin all them decorashuns just the way they wanted em but stead a gettin mad, they was sayin "Jesus Christ" all the time. That sure warmed my Mama's heart.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 9:00 AM |
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Tuesday, December 03, 2002
From time to time I likes to check and see what kinda folks has been visitatin our ramblin's. Well y'all, it pains me to say that some folks ain't takin too kindly to our ramblin's and I don't rightly understand it. Festus Joe says I just take things too personal and I shouldn't fret over it, but I can't help myself. We's good God-fearin folks. We's kind to old folks and critters -- ceptin' the ones that gets hit by Bubba J's pickup, but we can't help if if they run right onto the road like that. Anyhow, there ain't no reason not to like us and my feelin's get powerful hurt when folks say they don't like us.
On the other hand, Wendy over to The Weblog Review likes us a whole heap and she done told all kinds a folks to come and see our ramblin's. Thank you Wendy!
posted by Bertha Mae
on 11:25 PM |
Is any a y'all watchin' that there show on the television bout space aliens? If ya ain't, I gots a powerful good reason for y'all to start. Festus Joe is a tecknikal adviser fer that there show. That's right. Festus Joe Shark from these here ramblin's. Seems Steven Speelburg wanted hisself a expert on bein took by space aliens so he called up the Space Alien Abduction Society and learnt that Festus Joe been took by space aliens more'n 30 times. Mr. Speelburg done said there can't be many folks who knows space aliens as good as Festus Joe. By the way, down here to the trailer park, we calls him Mr. Speelburg on account a he's a Hollywood genyus and ya don't go round callin Hollywood genyuses by their first names. Least that's what Festus Joe says. Anyhow, y'all won't see Festus Joe's name in the credits and whatnot on that there show on account a he don't want the welfare to know he gots hisself a job. Down to the welfare they don't understand that Festus Joe can do that kinda job even when he's down in his back. Them folks down to the welfare would be spectin ol' Festus to go out and hisself another job. Lordy sakes. Don't them folks know by now that ain't never gonna happen?
posted by Bertha Mae
on 9:46 AM |
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Friday, November 22, 2002
I gots to shake my head at Festus Joe sometimes. That man thinks he's king a all the trailer parks now on account a we was the number one rezult for a search a Trailer Park Joe. I done tried tellin him maybe them folks weren't lookin fer him. Matter of fact, I done told him, they mighta been lookin fer Thelma Jo and just spelt it rong.
I ain't never took one a them there test I see in other folk's ramblin's, but when I seen this one I had to do it on account a how patriotic we all is down here to the trailer park.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 4:54 PM |
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Thursday, November 21, 2002
It's comin up on that time a year when ol' Festus Joe gets hisself confuzed. Y'all know how he loves midgets. Well, right about this time a year is when we start seein elfs all over the dag burn place. Festus Joe, well, you can't tell him nuthin. He thinks all a them elfs is midgets. Every year I gots to tell him that elfs got pointy feet. That's how y'all can tell they ain't midgets. Course sometimes on the television they get midget actors to play the parts a elfs on account a this time a year elfs is too buzy at the North Pole to be actin on the television. Poor Festus Joe. That confuzes him even more.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 9:48 PM |
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Wednesday, November 20, 2002
I done read this here news story bout this bird over to China that gots to go to court fer saying bad things to his naybor. Then I done read this here other news story bout a feller who shot a squirrel fer attackin folks. That critter would bite folks on the ankle and the forehead and, I reckon anywhere he could sink his little critter teeth into. I think shootin the little feller was goin too far tho. Maybe they shoulda just got that there bird over to China to come and say bad words to the squirrel.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 8:35 AM |
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