Monday, January 13, 2003
I gots a news story fer y'all. A girl over to Uganda been arrested fer not wearin no knickers to a party. Maybe it was the day before wash day and she didn't have no clean knickers. I don't reckon that's a reason to be arrestin folks.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 11:47 AM |
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Friday, January 10, 2003
Here's a big ol' howdy to all y'all that's comin here from ebayers that suck. We surely do 'preciate y'all stoppin by and we hope y'all keeps comin back! And I gots to thank the folks over to ebayers that suck fer puttin up a link to these here ramblin's. We surely do 'preciate that too!
Ya know, I keep tellin Bosephus he should try sellin some a his pickins from down to the dump on Ebay, but he said he ain't got the time to be on this here contraption much anymore. What with goin round to all the swap meets and sellin the pickin's as ant-teeks and whatnot, he don't got time fer much else.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 9:34 AM |
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Thursday, January 09, 2003
Just on account a it's a new year, I don't want y'all to think I done gived up on bringin y'all news stories. There just ain't been much happnin 'ceptin them folks who claims they cloned them babies. But on account it had somethin to do with space aliens, I had to leave that up to Festus Joe to put in these here ramblin's. After all, he is a certifiable expert on space aliens. Anyhow, I done found a news story fer y'all today. Over to Italy, a hitman fer the Mafia done said he couldn't a killed the folks he was accused a killin on account a he was someplace killin some other folks. Makes perfect sense to me. A feller can't be killin folks at 2 places at the same time, can he?
posted by Bertha Mae
on 1:57 PM |
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Wednesday, January 08, 2003
I don't know if today's a holiday where y'all are, but down here to the trailer park it's one a the biggest holidays a the year. One a these days I might get myself a petishun together to get Jan. 8 made a national holiday. I reckon ol' Dubya would go fer it. Anyhow, Happy Birthday Elvis!
posted by Bertha Mae
on 12:31 PM |
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Tuesday, January 07, 2003
i been doin' some thinkin'. i ain't rightly sure what i think of them folks claimin' they done cloned a baby or two. they seems to believe that some space aliens done created all a mankind. wrong. we all know that God done created us human beens. space aliens knows lots 'bout all sorts of stuff but i don't think they know much 'bout creatin' no human beens. i think these folks needs to do some resurch.
posted by Festus Joe
on 1:45 PM |
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Sunday, January 05, 2003
After searchin and searchin and searchin fer some news to pass along to y'all, I remembered that I fergot to tell y'all that the latest edishun a The Opelousas County Observer is out. I gots to say I'm powerful proud a Bosephus for gettin a award from the Enviermental Pertection Agency. Now he can show that award to all the folks who done said he'd never amount to nothin.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 1:25 PM |
I just come back from the diner, where I done heard me a story bout Frankie Lee Longnecker, one a them ladies who's friends with them lady gym teachers who lives at the end a the trailer park. Seems Frankie Lee was havin trouble with a bird who kept flyin into the closed window in front a her trailer. Not only was she ascared that the bird would hurt hisself, he was drivin her plum crazy all the time bangin at the window. So, Frankie Lee did all kinds a things to get that bird to stop flyin into the window. She bought herself some curtains to put up thinkin the bird wouldn't want to get inside if he couldn't see inside. She hanged up all kinds a shiny, noisy things in front a the window hopin to scare the bird away. Nothin worked. Then she got herself the ideal to put up a stained glass red fox. It worked. That bird ain't never been back. One her gym teacher friends said she didn't know birds was ascared a red foxes. Frankie Lee done said it weren't a red fox, the animal. It was Red Foxx the actor from that there junkyard show on the television.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 9:36 AM |
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Saturday, January 04, 2003
I gots a favor to ask y'all. Nominashuns is bein took right now fer the 2003 Weblog Awards (The Bloggies) and it sure would be right fine if we done won somethin. Y'all could nominate us fer Best American Weblog, Most Humorous Weblog, Best Group or Community Weblog, Best Kept Secret Weblog or even Weblog of the Year. Or better yet, nominate us fer all of them! Go right here to fill out the form. We surely would 'preciate it, y'all!
posted by Bertha Mae
on 12:31 PM |
I purt near fergot bout this here story I was fixin to tell y'all. Fore I met up witih ol' Festus Joe, I had me a couple a boyfriends. After all, I was 12 years old and time was a wastin' if I didn't want to end up bein a old spinster lady. Well, there was this one feller that my Mama and Daddy wanted me to get hitched to somethin awful. But I knowed I couldn't get hitched to him on account a he don't like his women to pass gas. We was watchin the television one day and I couldn't help myself. I had to do it or explode. He nearly died -- and not from the smell neither. He didn't reckon that passin gas was very lady-like. Weren't long after that I met Festus Joe. Now, everytime I gots to pass gas I thank the good Lord fer sending Festus Joe to rescue me from Non-Fart Man. (To Non-Fart Man in case he happens by here -- Happy Birthday!)
posted by Bertha Mae
on 12:07 PM |
First off, I gots to wish y'all a happy new year! Now fer the big news. I got myself in a college newspaper! It ain't one a them small colleges that no one ever heard of neither. It's Vanderbilt! We done drove by there a time or two. Even had thoughts a maybe Little King goin there someday. But as soon as he got it in his head that he wanted to be an Elvis impersonator, that dream a mine and Festus Joe's was gone. Little King done said he ain't goin to school on account there ain't nuthin no school can teach him bout impersonatin the King. I reckon that's the truth. Ceptin Little King done heard a this school over to Las Vegas that's just fer Elvis impersonators, so he got it in his head that he might go there to be a teacher someday, when he's too old to go out on the road performin. Anyhow, back to me and bein in the newspaper. Y'all can go see fer yerselves right here. My part is all the way down to the bottom.
posted by Bertha Mae
on 11:46 AM |
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